Erin

Welcome to my new and improved blog! Actually not really improved, I just wanted a new blog address! This post is dedicated to Erin:

As most of you know, Erin passed away this week. I'm still not clear on the cause (I think it was suicide), but regardless, she's gone. Just like that. Erin was my ex sister-in-law (though she never lost the sister title with me when she divorced Marc), and most importantly my friend. When I was first introduced to Erin, she welcomed me with open arms. When we first met, she admitted she drilled Marc with details about me the first time I had met him. She was so excited to meet me and welcomed me into the Stewart family immediately. Talk about making you feel special! She was like a long-lost friend I had always had. I could talk to her about anything, tell her anything. When I needed advice, she gave it and wasn't afraid to (kindly) tell me when I was wrong. I respected her opinion and looked up to her in many ways. She was a burst of energy at all times and you rarely saw her without a smile. She was so down to earth and accepting of others, yet when you heard her talk you knew how intelligent she was. As many know, she had some demons and struggled with life. I remember her always telling me how much she admired me for moving out at 18, working and paying my own bills, and then for buying a house. I told her "Are you kidding me? You are a doctor!!" She was a pro at school and always seemed destined to become a doctor.

She hit a very dark, rough patch for several years, her and Marc divorced, and I think we all wondered if we were going to lose her. But we didn't then! She overcame her addictions, and successfully had been sober for a couple years. She even quit smoking, which is the hardest addiction I've ever known. She rented her own apartment, was paying her own bills, had a job and I couldn't have been prouder. She was doing all the things she feared! We went a couple of years without speaking and reconnected two years ago on Facebook. We met a couple of times for coffee when I was in the area, and it was just like old times. It always was with her... she had this way of always making you feel comfortable. Ten years could've past and it would only seem like yesterday with her.

She was living in Missouri and although she thought the midwest was what she needed since Northern Virginia is all she's ever known, she was anxiously awaiting to move back home and start her dream job. She has done so much for the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome; she was able to use her knowledge and her past to educate. She had many close sober friends she had met along the way, and she always remained close to Marc. Regardless of the past with those two, their love never stopped.

The last time we saw each other was for coffee. She was so excited I was working for a dermatologist and asked advice on her skin. I promised to give her samples of good skin care products. We were to meet in a couple months when she traveled to Roanoke for work. I have an enormous bag of samples for her in my drawer. I stared at the bag the other day for several minutes. I think it'll take some time before I can move that bag. One of my last memories of her was hearing "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. Erin sang "You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Girls can't bring me down." The real lyrics are "Words can't bring you down." We laughed and laughed, and she stated she liked her lyrics better.

Erin, I will miss you so much. We've had so many good times together. I remember when you wore a tiara while shopping for my wedding dress and after I told you I wasn't wearing one, you asked "Can I wear it during your wedding?" I'll never forget the times we snuggled in bed or on the couch watching TV together. I'll never forget your freakishly strong hugs and your cute voice when you said "I love you." I know Lee always credits you for making him and Marc closer a long time ago. There are things I wanted to tell you, and almost did by email at Christmas, but thought I'd wait until I saw you in person in the spring. I wish I hadn't waited. I hope you know how much I love you and how much I appreciated all you did for me. You were always there when I needed you. I wish I could give you one last hug.

I hope you have found the peace you needed. I love you sis!